Monday, August 29, 2016

MEXICAN & GRINGO FUNNY PAGES, COMICS & JOKES - Edited by David Mandich for the Cabo Free Press

(about Mexicans & Gringos)

Enjoy our Funny Pages section. If you know a good one, send it in.  -ed

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Why do Mexicans call the VW Sedan "Vocho?" (Bellybutton)  
Ans. Because everyone in Mexico has one.

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Above and below: VW Sedan covered in 1,000's of beads - art project by Huichol Indians - A clever combining of traditions. Alas - after over 50 years of production - in July 2003, VW ceased production of the sedan in Mexico. Collectors quickly snapped up the last ones to come off the assembly line in Puebla Mexico 

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Trump jokes are popular in Mexico right now. Mexicans really love the guy - almost as much as El Chapo. Trump pinatas are the hottest sellers again this season while Trump and El Chapo Halloween masks outsold Superman and Sleeping Beauty last year.  

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Borat on the beach in a mankini.  
The back view of this Speedo is much worse..

That's gonna have to be a tall and deep wall. They've discovered scores of tunnels under the border - some as long as a half-mile and 30' deep. Convicted drug lord El Chapo's was almost a mile long.  Look for a new ladder rental industry to be created along the Mexican side of the border. -ed

Harvard Gringo

An American consultant was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”
The American then asked, “Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican said, “Well, I catch enough to feed my family.”
The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor.”
The American scoffed, “I’m a Harvard graduate and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery.
You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”
“But what then, senor?”
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public. You would make millions.”
“Millions, senor? Then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

Mexican Joke of the Day

How a Mexican can tell time by a donkey's balls.

A man and his wife are visiting Cabo San Lucas. While visiting The Shoppes at Palmilla near San Jose del Cabo, the wife asks her husband what time it is, and looking down at his wrist the man realizes he has left his watch in their One and Only Palmilla motel room. The couple finds an elderly man laying outstretched half-asleep on a bench next to his donkey.

"Excuse me," the husband says, "Could you tell us the time?" "Si", replies the elderly man, and reaches down and grabs the donkey's balls. "It is 3:00," says the Mexican.

After doing some shoppe-ing and grabbing a bite to eat, the couple return to the old man for the time. Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the balls and says: "It is now 4:45."

"That's amazing," says the husband. "How can you can tell the time like that?" "Lay down here where where I am," says the peasant as he sits up and moves aside. "Now, do you see the donkey's balls?" "Of course," the man replies. 

"Now reach down and take them into your hand." Hesitantly, the husband does as he is instructed."Now, slowly lift them," he continues. Again the husband does as instructed. "Now look underneath the donkey's balls, and between his two front legs." The husband does as he's told. "Now," the old man says, "Can you see the clock on the wall over there?"

Juan:  What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
Maria: Tri-lingual
Juan: You are soooo smart! 

Juan: Now again - What do you call a person who speaks 2 languages?  
Maria: Bilingual

Juan: OK. 
Juan: Then what do you call a person who speaks only one language?
Maria: Gringo
Juan: Yes!

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Will You Scratch My Ass?

There was this tourist in Cabo, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a burro rental place and said, ”Can I rent a burro?’

The hombre said, “We don’t call them burros in Baja, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop.”

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hot dog stand, and asks for a hot dog. The vendor replies, “We don’t call 'em hot dogs here senor we call them wieners.”

Meanwhile his ass is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says “Will you hold my wiener while I scratch my ass?”

La migra never saw this one coming..



(Columbus Day for those who flunked History)

Mexican American Gothic

Send your favorite Mexican, Cholo, Gringo jokes to Cabo Free Press editor Del Atencio: Anything blatantly racist or offensive of a sexual, violent, or otherwise objectionable nature will be deleted after being passed around the newsroom.  


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Mexico Dental Prices: A dental makeover back home in the US or Canada can cost $40,000 to $75,000 vs. only $10,000 - $25,000 with a certified dentist in Los Cabos. Dental implants start @ $1,950 complete, crowns from $450, panoramic x-rays $50 vs $150-300 in the US. 

For Free estimates and referrals to the Best Board Certified Dentists in Mexico visit:

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